My legs are shaking (and even burning a little) from a sunny beach cruiser bike ride into "town". Growing up in Washington state, everywhere else was still somehow, greener than the Evergreen State. I imagined living in Southern California by the ocean, in a tiny beach town. I dreamed of making my coffee with my bright red espresso maker, looking out the bay window at the jungle foliage and blue salty horizon. I dreamed of taking a baby blue beach cruiser out the red front door and down the hill to the historic highway 101, with my empty Herschel backpack. I would stuff it with oranges rolling off the the neighbor's trees and down the sidewalks. I would stop at the wine store, of course. First priority.
Do my fresh local produce shopping at the local farmers market. I would learn a little more Spanish each time I checked out- from the sweet clerk who worked there almost every day. He always told me it was "gratis". Fresh tortilla chips too. I would huff and puff my way back up the hill, in my checkered Chucks, vintage overalls, surf sweatshirt and swimsuit top. I would never really use a mirror unless I was going out with my girls. It didn't matter. This dream life would make me "beautiful" enough. I know. Not very native of me. But I'm not a SoCal native, to be fair. It is all still so magical to me. Oranges, pomegranates, avocados are thriving on every tree...in December!?
Well, that WAS today. I got to do all those things. We "live" in this house. This town. This haven... for 2 more days. Then, it is on to our next phase of life. It feels like I only JUST unpacked my bright red espresso maker from storage to pretend we lived in this loaner-home for 3 months. We borrowed two forks, spoons and steak knives. Two glasses. One frying pan. One stew pot. A bowl. Two plates. One mattress. I just started cooking. And hey, if you don't like one bathroom, there's 2 more to choose from. After surfing around in a 200 square foot beach pad for 3 years, this was a mansion to us. Man...I just unrolled my fuzzy sheepskin rug, blankets, shoes, clothes, yoga mats. But its time. I know.
The front yard "jungle" has been uprooted to make room for more magic. These crazy native succulent plants of all space-age looks, shapes and sizes are being transferred and salvaged. "Honey, where in the world are we going to put those?", my husband asked me. "I don't know! Somewhere! I can't let them just die. And I want to take a piece of this dream place with us wherever we go! I will figure it out". What I must look like to him sometimes. A crazy woman, wandering around in high-water cutoff overalls and sneakers, bruises and bug bites, wandering around with my head down, mumbling to myself about how I will not let that cactus go to waste! Stop throwing those old socks away! I can clean the windows with those! No streaks! See?! Please, stop humming....I have a song in my head I have to recored before I forget. No, turn off that Billy Idol song!! I have to lay this thing down first....lalalala!!! Hang on...just don't say anything for just a second...I'm sorry....Could you stop breathing so loud just for a second....
....God, I love that man.
This sacred space. What a blessing it has been. The house is in an exciting transition phase. About to be reborn. Rebuilt. The whole HGTV adventure! We were lucky enough to squat here until that happened. Yeah, I got attached. Attached to this lifestyle. No champagne, hot tubs, dazzling heated marble floor courtyards. Yuck. This vibe. There is such a beautiful vibe here in this little beach town. I will always remember it.
But this is not a dream. I don't care who owns this place. It came to us for a reason. It was ours for a moment. I was so surprised. I was baffled. All the things I always dreamed. Thought. Today was a turning point in my way of thinking. A turning point in my lifestyle. Because I now know beyond the shadow of a doubt, that THOUGHTS BECOME THINGS.
For years I THOUGHT about this. It was like the genie. I had the vision. It surprised me. It made itself happen. In spite of my naysaying unbelief- way of life. And I have only just now realized that. I borrowed one gorgeous glass for my evening pinot. I set it on a flat granite rock on the law where I sit. "Cait, you can obsess about finding your sacred space in your next move, all you want. But it won't be a sacred space until it comes from you. From here (pointing to her heart), one of my best girlfriends told me, the other day". I am allowing myself to become my own sacred space. I am taking ALL limitations off of myself. Welcome, naysayers. Laugh as you will. Thoughts become things. And magical things are happening to us. Good things are coming. And if they're anything like these things I'm experiencing now, I am overwhelmed with joy and excitement. There is so much to see, do, eat, learn, sing, contemplate, BE. This house can be mine. This life can be mine. Say your "thoughts" out loud, and blush. Even alone. Know what you want and say them to yourself. I dare you.