"Wow, I can't wait to share about all of this on Sunday. It's not coming fast enough!" "Babe, you missed last Sunday. You were supposed to do one last week". It just went by like a whirlwind and I forgot to fill you all in. So sorry. Thanks, honey. I love you.
Facing anxiety again is the stuff that is worth something. It's an actual building block in new growth as a performing musician. Right now, I'm facing very old but familiar feelings I never thought I would again. I grumble to myself sometimes. "Why did I decide to feel this way again? I want a life at Shady Acres. A garden. A beach. A stress free life". But I am learning "stress is a part of life. It's where our body houses it, and what we choose to do to breathe it out". Mine collects into my neck and shoulder blades. I start rolling my neck out, hoping it'll do the trick. Why do we not want to breathe properly? In yoga class, I think, "oh, alright. But ONLY because I paid for this class and the instructor is asking me to". Every time I inhale and exhale everything out of me, does my mind make room for healing. Room to gather myself and collect beautiful new self-loving energy for the day ahead. I have missed those classes in the last week.
"I WILL get that upgrade". I'll spare you the entire story, but on my Barcelona flights, I managed to get a business class upgrade at the gate. For next to nothing but some old miles just sitting around like an old forgotten pair of beloved shoes I just found at the perfect time. My husband is the one with an almost psychotic amount of patience. He can out-zen any unhappy with life customer service grump ....anywhere. I learned from him. I very calmly asked what I needed to do to get what I wanted. "well, to apply those miles, you would have to call customer service and see if they will authorize....blah blah blah....." That's where I usually just roll my eyes and give up. "I will have it". I can't believe I stuck it out and made it happen. I did not give up.
My previous life of jet setting around the world and, basically living above the law and getting pretty much whatever I wanted, handicapped me. I face this feeling more than ever on my new tour I'll be involved in soon. Tours are invitation only. In the last 5 years of reaching out to no one at all, this invitation still arrived in my mailbox. And I was a royal pain in my husband's ass as I tried to argue my way out of it. Facing so much again, that I'll not have the time or wits about me to delve into tonight. But hopefully soon, as these feelings will reemerge with time. I met my new boss lady today. Kind, fun, lovely. I can't wait.
In fact, in the midst of some exciting plans and vision for the future, word came in about Vegas. About the shooting. And then, losing our icon, Tom Petty. A tragedy beyond tragedies. A man in a Mandalay Bay hotel room, just raining down senseless terror. Sudden death. On human life, just reaching for a good time with friends and family and live music on the green. So many are lost. The numbers just keep growing.
I know its an altogether different subject. But it still hurt. Earlier tonight, out of nowhere emerged "Free Falling" as we let off some rehearsal steam. We sang it together, then returned to our work. 20 minutes later, the alert popped up on every phone in the place. "But he's ok, right? He's gonna make it, right?". "No. He's gone. They just announced it". I hung my head with more tears today. New boss lady reaches out and hugs me. "I'm sorry", I whimpered. What a way to start a new work relationship. Me falling apart in her arms.
The protesters will be out tomorrow. Full force. Barcelona will fight for independence. Roads will be closed and police will fill the streets. My man is here with me these precious 2 weeks before I prepare to be without him the longest I've ever been. The tour is 6 months with the exception of December. It's a blessing for us. We are thankful.
If you haven't at least looked up the "Sagrada Familia" church, please do. Prepare to be awe struck and humbled. The story behind this glorious telling of the crucifixion carved into massive stone, embellishing a empire of a "drip sand castle". It is to be finished in ....I think about 10 years from now. I wept as I walked into this masterpiece. To have such an unlovable faith in something, that you devote your life to it's commemoration, is beyond me. Tonight, my mind is quite fragmented. A little frazzled. But snuggling in a fluffy white hotel room with my love.
"So much will change in your life. Pretty much everything will change. Let your marriage be the only thing that does not", my mom told me before I left. So I will encourage you tonight, my friends. Let your faith and your love be solid. Unchanging. Cannot be moved. Solid as stone. Love to you.